


One Hale of a Pet Sitter

by lollipopl



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 23:44:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3829321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lollipopl/pseuds/lollipopl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek wakes up at 6:58 am on a Sunday to squeaking noises that are getting increasingly louder. Squinting out into the loft, he finds the source to be three guinea pigs in a cage by the door. He doesn’t know if he’s more alarmed by his new pets or the fact that Stiles came and left the cage without waking him up at all.<br/>-----<br/>Derek becomes a pet sitter against his will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Hale of a Pet Sitter

**Author's Note:**

> I knocked this out in under an hour, between the times of midnight and 1 am. I do not like pets, nor have I ever owned anything besides a cat. A fish once died on my watch. I am not a pet person. I apologize for any inaccuracies. Enjoy this 800 words of who knows what.
> 
> Special thanks to [officalmittromney](http://officalmittromney.tumblr.com/) for inspiring this ridiculousness. 
> 
> Also, I don't think that anyone would, but please don't post this to Goodreads. Thanks!

Derek wakes up at 6:58 am on a Sunday to squeaking noises that are getting increasingly louder. Squinting out into the loft, he finds the source to be three guinea pigs in a cage by the door. He doesn’t know if he’s more alarmed by his new pets or the fact that Stiles came and left the cage without waking him up at all. Derek opts to roll over and pretend everything’s fine.

But they don’t shut up, and he can’t sleep at all, and they smell god-awful, so he googles what to feed them and gives them the cucumber slices from the prepackaged salads in his mini-fridge upstairs.

Then he texts Stiles.

_Loft. Now._

****

Stiles walks in casual as anything at 8:03 am and has the gall to fake surprise.

“Oh! You got guinea pigs? I didn’t know you were a pet person, Sourwolf!”

Derek crosses his arms and glares him down.

“I’m not a pet person. These are yours. Get them out.”

Stiles is already feeding them tiny clumps of hay from his pockets and calling them all Tyler while he chatters on.

“So maybe they’re not yours. But they could be? For the week?” He pauses to actually look up at Derek. “My dad is allergic, who knew, and I promised Mrs. Cheriko I’d take care of them while she was away. And what better home than an abandoned city building that no one ever visits?”

He’s doing the puppy dog face, and Derek should be immune by now for all the exposure he’s had, but it’s as effective as ever.

“Fine, but you taking care of their crap.”

****

Stiles enters the loft at 4:26 pm the following Tuesday, carrying a kitten. Derek may or may not be entertaining himself by watching the guinea pigs roll around in their individual balls. He feigns disinterest and nine minutes later, he also is taking care of a cat (“Cupcake, Derek, he likes to be called Cupcake.”) that was originally Scott’s responsibility.

****

By 7:14 pm on Friday, Derek’s loft is a mini-zoo. He is no longer amused and is ready to demand that Stiles stop offering to take care of pets he can’t keep in his own house. (“No one is allergic to lizards, Stiles, no one.” “Jackson seemed to have a sub par reaction, if you ask me.” “STILES.”)

7:15 pm and Lydia is knocking at his door for their weekly meeting of How The Heck Do We Fix This Goddamn Town. He opens it in a huff, and she slowly walks in, face scrunching comically as she takes in the cages and newspaper and pens and the _smell_.

“What, the holy hell, is this?” She turns in a small circle, assessing the situation before reaching Derek and cocking an eyebrow.

“Stiles bit off more than he could chew and now I’m a zookeeper,” Derek deadpans.

Lydia seems to cough a little before it bubbles into cruel laughter.

“Bit off more than he could chew?” She scoffs. “Oh Derek, you have no idea. He’s doing this on purpose.”

“On purpose.” Derek repeats dumbly, moving to detach a kitten from his couch.

“Yes, on purpose. And you totally fell for it.” Lydia rolls her eyes at their general patheticness. “He’s been going around town, asking for any critters he can get his hands on. Now I see that he takes them to you with some half truth about why they need to be here so he can chat you up. Probably also thought you could use the company in this _lovely_ building of yours.” Derek blinks.

“It’s an excuse to see you, dummy.” She adds when Derek’s expression remains blank.

Something in his eyes must finally show the panic building inside him, and Lydia goes into full business mode, pacing back and forth and pointing repeatedly with an accusing finger.

“Here’s what you’re going to do. Call Stiles. Tell him to give the animals back to their owners. Oh, but keep Cupcake,” she gestures to the fuzzball currently scaling Derek’s arm and making pulls in his favorite gray Henley, “he’s from the shelter and actually has no home.”

“Cupcake is a he?” Derek manages weakly. Lydia continues her plan as if he never spoke.

“When he comes by to load up all this crap, literally, you invite him to stay for dinner. Or stay forever. Or not. Either way, no more Hale Zoo, and no more harassed pet owners of Beacon Hills.” She stops pacing with a brilliant smile. A bird flies by and poops on her shoulder. Her smile freezes in place, and she robotically turns to the door. Through closed teeth, she sing-songs, “You call him, and I’m going to go burn these nice expensive clothes! Okay? Okay.”

She inclines her head in farewell to Derek as she closes the loft door, still smiling stiffly. Derek presses 1 on his speed-dial.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me [over on tumblr](http://lollipopl.tumblr.com/).


End file.
